


the cartography of you and me

by tkreyesevandiaz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Future, Far Future, Future Fic, Growing Old Together, Introspection, Life Partners, M/M, Married Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, No Angst, Nostalgia, Old Age, POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, poetic words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29128407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz
Summary: Buck traces his and Eddie's life in pictures.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 23
Kudos: 99





	the cartography of you and me

**Author's Note:**

> Hehe I'm excited.
> 
> This fic is set nearly 40 years in the future. **No one dies in this fic, at all.**
> 
> However, because it is forty years in the future, there will be characters who have feasibly passed on. I do not mention any of them by name, but the reference is implied once. Also, this is rated Teen because of the sensitive content talked about.
> 
> I cried the entire time writing this xD Enjoy! <3

> **cartography (noun)**
> 
>   1. the science of drawing maps
>   2. the way from me to you to us
> 


* * *

Buck thinks that it would be easy to draw the map of his and Eddie’s life.

When they built this house, small enough for just the two of them, both of them had taken a room each to decorate exactly as they wanted. Buck had taken the considerably expansive library, wanting to turn it into a gallery, and Eddie had taken the bedroom, having planned something fancy that he wouldn’t let Buck look at until it was completed.

Eddie had stenciled their promise on the far wall, across from their bed, above a tri-portrait display of just the two of them at their wedding day, at Chris’ wedding day and at Vera’s. It wasn’t something Buck ever thought they would be into, but one glance at it, and he’d been in unmovable tears.  
  
_You can have my back any day_ _  
_ _Yeah, or you know, you could...you could have mine_

Buck hadn’t known that Eddie remembered the exact words he’d stammered out, too struck by the easy compliment Eddie had extended his way and the way the red and blue lights flashed across his skin.

Looking at them printed on their wall, embedded in their home, warmed Buck more than anything else. After all, it’d been that one promise that took them everywhere only to deposit them here, still together. They’ve repeated it in many forms throughout the years — through nightmares, on calls, in their vows. Those same words were even engraved on their wedding rings, a perpetual reminder that the day they’d made that promise, they’d set in motion a series of events for the rest of their lives.

There was also the reminder of blowing up municipal property. Eddie had simply asked if they were hungry, completely unfazed, and Buck was irreversibly sold on the idea of the new guy.

While their bedroom is a reminder of just him and Eddie, the library is a photographic display of all their family. Till now, this room is Buck’s favourite part of the house to simply relax, especially on the days where he’s stuck trying to make sure he hasn’t just dreamed the past thirty-nine years.

He wanders in there now, taking in the sapphire blue walls, the glittering gold of the layer underneath.

Buck remembers the day they painted this room. It’d been a team effort sans Eddie, because Buck had wanted to make this room perfect before showing him any of it. 

They’d laid down the golden layers of paint first, making sure the shimmery hue was still visible as it dried. Then, Buck had marked strategic geometric lines with painter’s tape, wanting it to only be an accent peeking through — though in Maddie’s opinion, he had no idea what he was doing. She was right, but Buck would never admit that.

Christopher and Denny had helped lay down the deep blue paint over the top of the tape while Harry managed to get all the edges where wall met ceiling straight. They’d even replaced the light fixture with a simple flush mount chandelier that didn’t project too much light and didn’t look too flighty.

They’d peeled the tape away with no small amount of satisfaction. It’d come off perfectly, and when they switched the lights on, the chandelier ensured the glitter in the golden stripes shone. The blue hue looked almost black in the places the warm light couldn’t reach, creating an artificial gradient look that Buck hadn’t counted on, but loved anyway.

That’s not why this room is Buck’s favourite, though. 

What made it the best room in their home were the photo frames he’d hung up painstakingly along three walls. The wall adjacent to the door had a ceiling-to-floor bookshelf packed full of their favourite books and trinkets — including the box housing Eddie’s Silver Star and certificate, and the other medals they’ve acquired — but the other three mapped out the past thirty-nine years, and some of their life before they met.

Buck, as it turns out, has always been meant for Eddie, in the way of soulmates. It’s a literature-esque realization that’d come to him at 28, camping out in the Diaz household more often than his own apartment, Eddie’s arm slung comfortably over his shoulders. Now, at 66, Buck realizes that the universe had a very deliberate plan for making them not step over any lines until they were ready, whether that be their first kiss, Eddie proposing, their wedding, or any of the new people they drew into their family along the way.

Their family, as it turns out, expanded _exponentially_ over the years. Buck looks back from the scrawny kid he was when he left home to the man he is now, and he sees centuries worth of change in those fifty years. Not only physically, but in every other way possible.

Like all maps, Buck and Eddie’s map shows the roads, the terrains, the seas, the streets and the homes they’ve passed to bring them to these specific coordinates. The cartography of them is laid out right here, in this room.

He thinks he can map out their life together over the years, from just through these glass frames. Buck had chosen each one himself, the simple black frame encasing the best photos of them through all the years. The frames line the entire walls, barely an inch between each one to fit everything he could.

It’s hard to fit more than sixty years of life into a few measly photographs. Still, this is as close as they could get.

Buck starts, as he always does, at the beginning. The second wall has only a thin window lining the top that has been blocked off by a blackout curtain so the only source of light is the chandelier. Underneath it is where Buck had hung every photo he’d chosen.

There’s Eddie as a kid, Buck and Maddie posing under a Christmas tree, Buck and Eddie as scrawny teenagers. There’s Shannon and Christopher smiling out at them. There are Christopher’s baby pictures scattered around, too, each of them making Buck’s heart clench something fierce with how much he misses him sometimes.

There’s a selfie framed, too, of Buck’s first day at the 118. He’d donned the uniform at 26, and didn’t take it off until 62. He’d been pushed into early retirement by his leg, but with 36 years under his belt at the LAFD, Buck couldn’t complain.

Eddie had a similar track record. Buck brushed a light finger across Eddie’s handsome smile, the one that hasn’t changed at all throughout the years. This photo is one of him in his army uniform, and the next one is one of him in the LAFD uniform, Christopher perched on his hip as they grin wildly at the camera. He’d spent 33 years as a first responder, by Buck’s side for all of it, pressed shoulder to shoulder.

Sometimes, Buck thinks about how lucky they’ve had it.

He doesn’t care about the bumps on their map as much as he cares about just having the road to get to where they needed to be — to where they’re standing right now. There had been many situations over the thirty-three years Eddie spent as Buck’s partner where entangled strings of their lives wrapped around their judgement, making them blind to anything but each other. They’re not their proudest moments, they’ve faced consequences for it, but they’ve always come out of the embers hand-in-hand, still each other’s partners.

As it should be.

The next set of photos are from various parties they’ve had at the 118, their family grinning up at them in various locations. There’s the Grant-Nash household, the rundown bar that got shut down a few years ago, Eddie’s old house. There’s even one from Buck’s old loft, though God knew it was a squeeze to get everyone to fit in there. 

In almost every photo, Buck’s standing right next to Eddie, even in the earlier ones. 

He can see a photo of Christopher and Eddie seated on the stairs, the first time the kid had come to the station. He remembers being the one to take it, thankful for the phone to stop them from seeing how widely he was grinning.

Buck thinks he’s probably carried a torch for Eddie from the very beginning, but that moment sealed his fate in stone, even if it took him three years to realize it. 

(He also knows that he wouldn’t have been caught dead saying that he ‘carried a torch’ for anyone...before the age of 65.)

Buck turns his gaze to where his and Eddie’s wedding pictures are hung. There’s one picture of Eddie proposing, down-on-one-knee with the whole wining and dining. Buck had never quite been in the position of the one being pampered before he started dating Eddie, who had simply pulled him close and whispered, “you’re worth it.”

Eddie, for all that he liked to say that words weren’t his thing, had a knack for saying the right things in as little words as possible. It was one of the most endearing things he managed to learn about his husband as the years went on, still somehow surprised by him even after thirty-six years of marriage.

The next pitstop on their journey was Vera. They’d welcomed a girl into their family a year and a half after they got married, and the very first photo they’d ever taken of her was where she was balanced in Christopher’s arms, his toothy smile resonating throughout the whole photo. The next is of all four of them, Christopher perched in Buck’s lap while Vera’s cradled in Eddie’s. He can see the wetness in both his and Eddie’s eyes, and smiles for it.

Christopher and Vera are the parts of Buck’s life that he’s always been the most proud of. They’ve grown up to be wonderful people, and Buck thinks it’s the biggest privilege of his life to play a part in shaping them to be who they are. He knows Eddie feels the same way, especially with the constant struggle to believe that he _is_ a great father. 

It’d hit them both acutely when Christopher, then Vera, hit the stages of their lives where their parents couldn’t do anything but support them. There’d been many nights spent pacing back and forth in their rooms, anxious over what their kids were up to, wanting to be on call at all times just in case they needed them. It still hadn’t managed to go away, but now, their kids were parents of their own. The anxiety had simmered down some, even if had never fully gone away.

But like all things, even there they found a balance. Chris and Vera stopped by as much as they could, having just spent last weekend with them. The house had been completely full then, leaving memories in the stillness come Monday morning. 

He moves to the next wall, finding Chimney being promoted to Captain when Bobby stepped down, the party they’d thrown for him. Joy’s balanced on Buck’s shoulders, sticky fingers tugging at his curls while Eddie has his arm around Maddie. May, Harry, Chris and Denny are making funny faces at the camera while Athena and Hen look on with exasperation. He can see Vera in Karen’s arms, babbling happily as Michael plays peekaboo with her, oblivious to the camera.

The photos past those are exclusively of their kids growing up. There’s Eddie wrestling with Chris and Vera on the grass, Buck laughing with Vera on his back. There’s Christopher’s high school graduation, and him standing with his college acceptance letter. There’s Vera’s first day of preschool, during which she’d thrown such a fit that both Buck _and_ Eddie had to leave work early to get her. 

The twelve year age gap between Christopher and Vera had never been a bone of contention, and had never been a barrier for how close they were. They were as tight as thieves even now, but there had been _horrendous_ sibling fights all the time while they were growing up. Buck, as someone with a considerable age gap between him and his sister, knew those never went away. Even at 66 and 73, he and Maddie had arguments that made everyone turn away with their arms up in surrender, too terrified to even take part.

Hell, even Eddie and his sisters fought like rabid dogs once in a while. It was part and parcel of just _being_ siblings.

Buck continues down, past Christopher’s college graduation, past Vera’s elementary years, her high school and college graduations, past their kids’ marriages, past the birth of their grandchildren. He goes past laying the foundation down for this house in a quiet part of California, tracking the similarities in all the photos where the two of them are together. Eddie’s arm is wrapped around his waist for nearly all of them, separated only to make room for their kids.

He thinks there’s a symbolism to that.

His destination is the third wall, still partially empty, ready to be filled with new insights of their life. He stares at that blank space for a while, feeling more nostalgic than usual.

It hasn’t been rainbows and sunshine for all thirty-nine years Buck’s known Eddie. Their lives, connected as they are with so many other people, have been lived in a myriad of happiness, sadness, anger, loss, despair. Yet, Buck can count the number of times that he’s thought _will we ever get past this?_ on one singular hand. He’s never doubted the strength of his and Eddie’s bond.

In line with the natural progression of life, they’ve suffered through the losses of many people closest to them through the years, too. Even though they still feel all of those acutely, they came out on the other side with happy memories — some which are hung up in front of him, but many more that are not.

He thinks a lot of Thomas and Mitchell in times like these. Their story had stuck with Buck, and this gallery was put together because of the journey he’d had the privilege to peek into that day. He remembered picking the remnants of their life together from the concrete, marveling over the sacrifices and tribulations they endured, but together. 

He can see that he and Eddie made a life too, just like Thomas said.

There’s a complexity to all of their relationship, simple in and of itself by just being what it is. He can trace the moment he laid eyes on Eddie in the locker room to now — from “who the hell is that” to Eddie’s “I’ll be back in 20” that he’d said while leaving, maybe fifteen minutes ago.

As if on cue, he hears the door click open but doesn’t bother calling out. Eddie joins him not even a minute later, turning his chin to kiss him lightly. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Buck returns, smiling at him as his heart swells in his chest. 

Turning seventy has changed very little about Eddie; he still walks with the same straight posture that seems to be characteristic of Army veterans, his smiles are still free and make Buck’s heart skip — which, at this age, is probably a health hazard — and his eyes are still the same expressive brown that captured Buck all those years ago.

There are more wrinkles on both of them, they’re not as fit as they used to be and Buck’s pretty sure their knees have started cracking, but Buck’s love for his husband has remained the same, if not more. With each new layer they added to their lives, building their own home one brick at a time, they’ve gathered more happiness and contentment than they once thought possible.

“What are you thinking about?” Eddie asks, lacing his fingers with Buck’s, the crow's feet at the corner of his eyes deepening as he smiles.

“Us. What to use to fill this...fill this last wall.” 

The last part of their mortal journey.

Death, as the flipside of life, was inevitable. They’ve faced it enough times on the job and off it to know that it’s always lurking around the corner. They’ve managed to dodge it many, many times over the years, but now that they’re getting older, the inevitability of it presses on them.

Buck’s not worried about regretting anything. He has everything he needs right here, with Eddie by his side, their kids living stable lives, their grandchildren embarking into adulthood. He’s lived a great life — better than he ever thought it’d be during the years he spent searching for himself. It’s all mapped out along these walls, filling this room with it.

He doesn’t know what anything looks like after death, but he hopes he gets it with Eddie. As much the idea of 'death' and 'Eddie' in the same sentence makes him seize up, it's something he can't escape. Selfishly, he wishes that he’ll never have to live a life without him, but the rational part of his mind knows that it’s not in his hands at all.

Eddie’s always been the love of his life, the part of Buck he’s never really been able to live without — not as a reckless 27-year-old trying to show him up in the station gym, and not as a settled 66-year-old with Eddie’s ring on his finger for all these years.

With that thought, Buck looks down to study their hands. They’re not as smooth as they once were, the wrinkles in the skin speaking of their age and experience, but he can see the twin indentation of their wedding rings, in the form of pressed skin and tan lines. The image settles him as it always does, and Buck takes a moment to squeeze Eddie’s hand and press a kiss to the back.

Eddie turns his gaze away from the photos on the wall to him, eyes sparkling. Buck can’t stop himself from opening his mouth to say, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” The words come immediately, with no hesitation, and wrap around Buck with the same familiar weight.

This is a part of getting older, too. There’s a quiet comfort in needing to put the words out there, to share every moment they can.

Buck gestures to the three gallery walls. “It’s a map.” At Eddie’s curious hum, he elaborates. “It’s a map of you and me. From the minute we met to now. You, me, and us...all the roads we’ve taken to get here.”

“It is,” Eddie agrees, leaning in to press a kiss to Buck’s jaw. After a minute, he walks over to the door, closing it to enclose them in the dark. When he flicks the chandelier on, Buck can see the soft light bounce off the glass surrounding them, but he can also see the shadows the warm light casts on Eddie’s face.

He wonders if he’s ever going to stop falling for this man.

They take a seat together on the two seater they’d put in one corner, looking from frame to frame. Buck's so busy trying to decide which of the new photos he can hang up that he doesn't realize that Eddie's watching him until he speaks.

“How do you make me fall in love with you every day?” Eddie asks quietly. “I feel like I haven’t stopped falling once in all these years.”

Buck chuckles quietly, slipping into his favourite spot in Eddie’s side. The familiar scent of his husband’s cologne surrounds him, and Buck can't help but breathe a little deeper. “Stole the words right out of my head, Eddie.” He thinks on this thought. “There are moments between us, even now, where I’ll look at you and not quite believe that this is mine. That you’re mine. It doesn’t matter that we’ve got six grandchildren; when you have something this good, it’s hard to believe that it’s yours.”

“It was easy in the beginning to take it all for granted,” Eddie admits, tilting his forehead into Buck. “Remember our fights?”

Oh did he ever. They hadn’t handled the shift from best friends to boyfriends as well as they thought they would. There had been a quite a few lethal arguments where both of them had lashed out blindly, leaving the other stumbling with their hurt. Not too many, but enough for them to both finally lock this thing down once and for all.

“We made our way back. The same way we always do,” Buck murmured. “But I was so sure I wasn’t going to find you attractive after sixty, and you had to go and prove me wrong there too. That's an argument we need to have soon.”

Eddie laughs, lighting up the room with the force of the sound and Buck smiles, needing to taste it. “You’re ridiculous,” is all Eddie gets to say before Buck kisses him quiet, one hand shifting to card through his hair. They pull back enough for Eddie to swirl his thumb in the sparse hair on the side of Buck’s temple.

The soft touch has Buck’s eyes slipping closed, and when his back twinges, he remembers he isn’t thirty anymore. He straightens as best as he can, still pressed completely against his husband despite the inches of space on either side of them.

By the way Eddie keeps pulling him closer, he clearly doesn’t mind.

“I think,” Eddie starts, “this is the map we were always meant to find. It was always leading us to this, even if we didn’t quite know. Because that’s life, right? You can’t see what’s in front of you, what’s ahead. You just have to keep moving forward, making choices without seeing every single factor, consequence or outcome.”

“One foot in front of the other," Buck chimes, looking at a picture of Chris and Vera on the bottom corner of the second wall, at Vera's college graduation.

They’ve made many choices in their lives. Not all of them had served them well, but even those had led to lessons learned, or maybe just an acknowledgement that things can’t go their way all the time.

Buck glances back at the blank wall, intertwining his fingers with Eddie’s and kissing his knuckles again.

There would be many more frames to fill the space, even with the unpredictability of life. Their map may have laid out the road to this moment for them, but there were still places he and Eddie were meant to go. 

There was still time. For now, he had his husband by his side, basking in the silence together, but Buck could be patient for the rest of it. They’d gotten through the past thirty-nine years together, and they would get through many more.

Their story isn’t over yet.

**Author's Note:**

> If you need age references:  
> Buck - 66  
> Eddie - 70  
> Christopher - 46  
> Vera - 34 (an OC of mine who appears quite frequently hehe)
> 
> This is set a whopping 39 years from 2x01, and what I would assume...37 years from 3x18. 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [zeethebooknerd](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zeethebooknerd) or on Twitter at [tkreyesevandiaz](https://twitter.com/tkreyesevandiaz).


End file.
